what if you won't be able to find me anywhere?

1:19 minutes the duration of our call, she was crying on about a movie she had watched in the afternoon. "purple hearts" was the movie name and why won't she cry after all she had been impatiently waiting for that movie. 

I was in my lab and suddenly my phone vibrated it was a call on WhatsApp and it was third call may be due to network issues the previous two skipped. I saw it and it was her, my heart didn't beat at that moment it tried to tear out of my chest. My adrenaline got so high like i was on dopamine overdose. It always excited me, either its her call or its message and that excitement never ended till the end.

I ran out of the lab without even caring to whom i collided to, how many times i fell, how many stairs did i skipped to reach the ground floor, how many times did my shoulder hit the ledges. I didn't care about the hurt and bruises i got to reach the ground floor from the third floor. 

I picked up the call and on the other side there was a sobbed, quavering and the softest voice i heard "shivaay", "buboo" what happened? Again in same tone "shivaay'' where are you? her voice was so sobby that her 'where are you' was 'whe aa you' breaking and quavering that changed in proper cry.

"Shivaay" where are you? why are you not here? bolo naa, all these questions in same quavering voice, "i am missing you so much", "buboo" what happened? why are you crying? Hey "mai hoon naa"(i am with you), "kya huaa hai buboo?"(what has happened buboo?) bolo naa (say), and why are you crying? what has happened?

"Shivaay" i watched that movie "purple heart" and i don't know why i am not able to hold my tears and i am missing you soo badly. "Shivaay" do you know the whole movie felt like us? "buboo" first stop crying (shhh) and somehow she did hold but her voice was still shaking and she was hiccing-up. "Hey it's all okk, i am here (chalo chup ho jaao) and we are not going to be separated, ok? i'll always be here "I PROMISE YOU".

Did you eat? "she" no i don't feel like eating anything. 'Aee' c'mon go eat something, it's about to be 3 0'clock and you haven't eaten anything. And slowly somehow i got succeeded to make her calm. "She" okk baba i am going to eat something, happy now? yaa, 'achha listen i am out of my lab so i gotta go  back will talk to you in the evening', ok? "She" okkk "she " achha listen, i love you", 'i love you more, more than anything'. ok see yaa "muaah".

The things that i never told her about that call was that when i heard her crying it brought a restlessness in me all of a sudden, the thing that i never told her that her quavering voice was clawing my heart, that her emotional hiccup brought me in tears, that her voice made me pray for her at that moment and ask god for a love of lifetime. I never told her that if we didn't have this distance between us i would have run to her and hugged her soo tight that there would have been no place of emptiness in her life. That i would have caught that drop of tear on my palm before it could vanish to dust. 

Again that night she called and we talked for hours. And then she asked "ok tell me, you love me this much, what if someday i vanish, 'WHAT IF YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND ME ANYWHERE?' shivaay?", ya i am here "she" 'bolo kya karoge tabb?' (what'll you do then).

That was the question i was never prepared for because in wildest of my dreams i never thought of being separated from her. "Aee nobody is going to separate us ok?", "and i won't let anyone take you away from me". "She" 'me neither, we will always be together', " yes, forever.

"okk, now it's too late you go to sleep now", "she" 'noooo i am not sleeping i wanna talk more, i am not sleeping'.

"Buboo, its too late and you need to sleep or you'll fall sick and you have to wake up early in the morning for classes", "she" 'shivaaayyy noo i don't wanna sleep naaa'.

"You want to fall sick haan? common go to sleep now", "She" 'okk khadoos, shivaay i love you yaar'.

"I love you more, more than anything". "She" 'good mera betu', "good night love". "Muaah". 

But that night i couldn't sleep, that question " what if someday i vanish", "WHAT IF YOU WON'T BE BE ABLE TO FIND ME ANYWHERE?"

I would have searched for her everywhere, i would have asked about her to everyone and when i would have not found her anywhere.

Then i would have sat beside the road that goes to her house and "WAIT FOR HER TILL SHE COMES BACK"

'Falak' said:-

"if the love is, when you can't get that person out of your mind, when you think about her day and night, after talking to her you hold on to every single word you're obsessed with, then yes YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THAT PERSON".